Howlin' Henk

Henckel hears the harmonica for the first time.

posted by The Ginrod @ 8:15 AM 0 comments

Poor me and Poo Pup

I feel like my ovaries are going to roll out of my body and drop on the floor. I can visualize it now and the accidental kick of them against the eggshell colored wall. You gaSP. I know. But the trials of being female make us sturdy fem me fa tales. Which is much needed, especially in the middle east.
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This week has been unruly for the Doring-Preston household, unexpected change and then lack of change have collided in our universe and I'm not sure how to place the pieces for a perfect, lifestyle Eden. Apartment leases and hunting and not hunting and maybe car buying, and if so- what kind of car pontifications have made me realize how absurdly expensive this country is. Pile on the maddening traffic and the constant jams and honking and time falling out of our pockets and I've pretty much reached the boiling point for my sanity.
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And poor Henckel, he got his balls chopped off today. That poor pup- as a rescue dog, anytime we take him out of his schedule he pukes himself from worry. Actually, that only happened once. But P Bonez described his puppy dog eyes when he walked out of the vet's. And those eyes were very very sad. Then the vet described his constant crying before and after his surgery. He must be really attached. But now, his balls aren't attached. Soon, they will be dried out bags, symbolic of the alpha dog he could have once been.

posted by The Ginrod @ 6:38 PM 0 comments

The Lumpia Story

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An elderly Foreigner lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite food,
Filipino Lumpia.

Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning
against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even
greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands he crawled to the
kitchen. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame gazing into the
kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself
already in heaven. For there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen
table were literally hundreds of his favorite food, LUMPIA .

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted
Filipino wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy
man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture, his parched lips parted, the
A wondrous taste of the lumpia was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing
him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on to a lumpia, when he was suddenly
smacked with a spatula by his wife,

"Git out op here!" she shouted. "dis are por your puneral !"

posted by The Ginrod @ 1:59 PM 1 comments

Good morning tel aviv.

posted by The Ginrod @ 7:23 AM 0 comments

At a wedding in london. It's like. SO posh.

posted by The Ginrod @ 7:35 PM 1 comments

Allergy Queen

musings from a FrienDly Coworker:

This is a bedtime story for you, as in I'm writing it from my bed...

Once upon a time, there was a girl with beautiful skin. The skin was so lovely, it came with a special curse and she was allergic to everything. She soon discovered that Cortizone steroid creams were good friends of hers and that band-aids were her worst enemies. At age 12, she cut her toe on a chair at a Renoir exhibition and the medic bandaged it up rather than have her make her own bloodied Impressionist art on the tiles of the gallery. The result was so severe, she was housebound with fiercely itchy, lumpy toes filled with clear liquid, while all her friends went on a special tour of Sydney and Canberra.

The girl grew into a woman, who enjoyed a variety of delicious foods, yet had never sampled cheese of the blue variety. She celebrated her first, well-deserved holiday from high school teaching, with a cheese platter containing a strong, mouldy chunk. She found it delicious and ate it with gusto, only to spend her vacation covered from head to toe in hives. Her kindly grandmother, now deceased, gave her some anti-drowsy, anti-histamine tablets. She took one and spent three days comatose and with drooling slack jaw.

This fresh-faced woman had been raised to keep the kashrut and had never tried anything with an exo-skeleton. There had been one time her Jewish friend had popped a tiny prawn in her mouth, but she had assumed the vomiting which occurred afterward was as a result of G-d smiting her from above (that and a combination of red wine and New Zealand vodka and driving around and around in circles in someone's car).

This protagonist found herself at a sushi restaurant in Florentin. Against better judgment, she ordered from the menu, though wary of the rastafarian gentleman making the food and his unrefrigerated, bacteria-laden seafood. Even as she popped the innocuous sushi in her mouth, she pre-empted food poisoning. Her dining companion suggested she finish the last two from her larger plate, and thinking it was tuna inside, the skin-allergic woman popped one in her mouth. Many hours later, she discovered she had eaten crab in some form.

The protagonist, slightly tipsy and red in the face, walked from a Beatles-themed party in Yaffo to the centre of the city, sweating and whimpering as she scratched her skin. She passed out as soon as she returned home and woke up to vomit extraordinary amounts of bile. Her lips had swollen slightly, being the only positive, as lip enhancements don't come cheap.

Knowing that the secret to a rich, fulfilling and painless life was to avoid bandaids, blue cheese and shellfish, she lived happily ever after.

The end.

posted by The Ginrod @ 10:12 PM 0 comments

October is almost November

Hello week of change. Thank you for embedding yourself in my life, it's not like people don't DIE in my life and on top of that I'm a convert. I've accomplished enough change in the last decade to have quadruple personalities. Enough change that these personalities could even take on different races and hair texture. I may have straight asian hair right now, but two years ago, when Foxxy Tamoosh was surfacing, I had a the biggest fro'.
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My two best girlfriends in Israel have packed their bags to freshen up their lives in the U.S. What's more ironic is that they're British and they are going to live in MY country. MY country. They are going to have access to the brands and products that I grew up with. They are going to update me on TV shows that I should know about before them.
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I guess what makes it so hard is because these two particular women were stars in my growth in Israel. I met them both at a critical time of my life in Israel that their support is a major cause of my stability, success, good looks and academic brilliance in this country. We've run into the Meditteranean Sea on cold winters evenings together and i've sat patiently listening to their self-written Megillah's on the woe's of being human.
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Aww I miss you people already!
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It got me thinking on my walk to lunch an hour ago and I did a quick calculation on the financial woes of living in Israel and my jaw fell to the floor. Then it ran away, and I started chasing my jaw, but it was too quick and clever and took a sharp left onto a one way street just as a newly washed Mazda 3 was exiting. After the Mazda three pulled out of the street I found myself stuck in the middle of Tel Aviv, without my jaw and missing my girls.

posted by The Ginrod @ 1:35 PM 1 comments

The goldstone Report

There is no doubt that war is a terrible thing to occur. But here is a view the media often prefers to not explore.

posted by The Ginrod @ 12:02 PM 0 comments